Reassurance
by PositivelyUncertain
Summary: Takes place just after New Years Eve.


Title: Reassurance

Rating: PG- 13

Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for an attitude problem and a crate of beer. Basically, I don't own Corrie or Sophie & Sian. Unfortunately :(

Summary: Set during the night whilst Sophie and Sian are staying at Eileen's.

A/N: Sorry this is so long. I may have got slightly carried away :P Any spelling mistakes or general fail are entirely my fault. (Or maybe because of the several pints I had before I wrote it!) Comments would be greatly appreciated. :)

Sian wakes in the middle of the night (_she's not sure what time it is, but she can tell from the darkness that she shouldn't have woken up for several hours_.) She rolls over slightly, trying to peer through the darkness through half-open eyes, and finds herself holding her breath when she hears a quiet sobbing coming from the other side of the bed.

''Soph? What's wrong?'' Sian fumbles blindly behind her, finally locating the small lamp on the table before flipping the switch and letting her eyes adjust to the light which suddenly fills up the living room. There's a pause before Sian hears Sophie sniff and feels the bed shift slightly as Sophie moves away from her. ''Soph? Talk to me. Please?''

A silence descends over the room as Sophie tries to stop crying long enough to form some sort of coherent sentence. She takes a deep breath, hiccupping loudly before finally letting her anger out.

''Look, you don't have to keep pretending, Sian. I'm not stupid, y'know? I know you regret sleeping with me and you're just trying to find a way of letting me down gently.'' Sophie knows she's being harsh on Sian, that she's probably just being overly-sensitive and analysing things far too much. Yet she seems completely incapable of stopping the words from flowing out of her mouth like venom.

Sian reaches out, tries to gently touch Sophie's shoulder in a way that she hopes is reassuring. Instead, her hand meets thin air as Sophie pulls her shoulder away violently.

''Soph..'' Sian tries again, reaching her hand out only to be met with the same response. She feels her heart sink as Sophie lets out another stifled sob, shuffling her body as far away from Sian as physically possible given the fact that they're currently sharing a cramped sofa-bed.

''Just don't, okay? You've been weird with me since we slept together, and don't say you haven't, because we both know you have.''

There's an awkward silence as Sian tries frantically to put her thoughts into words. (She's never been good at talking about her feelings, and has always secretly blamed her parents for it, thinking to herself that maybe if they'd actually cared about her feelings more whilst she was growing up, then she wouldn't have such a problem_ expressing _them.) Sian turns slightly so she's now lying on her back gazing desperately at the cracks in the ceiling before taking a deep breath.

''I know. I didn't mean to. I just...'' She doesn't get the chance to finish her sentence before Sophie interrupts, roughly flinging the covers off them both.

''Just what, Sian? Realised that you prefer lads? Well, I'm sorry I wasn't as good as _Ryan_, okay?'' Sophie's words hang in the air for several moments, creating an awkward tension in the room as Sian tries to comprehend what she's just heard.

''Is that was this is about? You think I preferred being with Ryan to being with you?'' Sian glances across at Sophie, feels a stabbing pain in her heart as she takes in the view of Sophie's tear-stain cheeks and clenched jaw.

''No, Sian.'' Sophie practically spits, turning her head slightly so she can glare at Sian in the dim glow of the lamp. '' It's about the fact that everything I've ever believed in is falling apart around me. My dad copped off with his best mate's wife and had a kid with her. My mum found out about it and since then they've been at eachother's throats and I'm stuck in the middle. Then Rosie moved out and you were the only good thing in my life. But it's ruined now, isn't it? 'cause since we slept together, you flinch every time I try to touch you.''

''Soph, listen to me. Please. I know how it must've looked, but it wasn't that I didn't wanna be with you. Honestly.'' She turns over on her side, reaches across to brush a stray strand of hair out of her girlfriend's face. ''I love you, you know that. But it's different for you, Soph. I mean, you never really liked lads anyway. So it was easier for you to deal with... y'know, being with a girl. But it wasn't like that for me. I liked lads. Or at least I thought I did 'til we got together.'' Sian silently prays that Sophie understands, or at least gives her the opportunity to explain herself properly.

She sees Sophie's face soften slightly as she looks at her through red-rimmed eyes, shifting over slightly to close the gap between her and Sian.

''I know you love me, Sian. It's just after the other night, I think maybe...'' She pauses, trying to find the right words. ''I dunno, maybe it was just an emotional thing. Like, you were okay with the kissing but when we slept togther you realised that it wasn't what you wanted. I mean, you couldn't get away from me quick enough the next morning.''

''It wasn't like that. Honestly. I just felt proper weird. Like, all of a sudden there was this whole other level to our relationship. It was fine the night before 'cause I wasn't thinking about it. I just let myself feel it. Then the next morning, I woke up and there was all this stuff in my head that scared me.''

''Stuff like what? Sian, I want us to be able to talk about stuff like this. I don't want you to feel like you have to hide anything from me.'' Sophie reaches out, gently placing the palm of her hand flat against Sian's waist as she waits nervously for her girlfriend's reply.

''No, I don't feel like that Soph. It was like, I dunno, I was trying to get my head around the fact that I'd just had sex with a girl. I thought 'cause I'd, y'know, done it before with Ryan that I should know what I was doing. I thought I knew what sex was supposed to feel like. But with you it was completely different. In a good way though. I felt proper safe with you and no-one's ever made me feel like that before. I guess I just didn't know how to deal with it...''

Sophie flashes Sian a half-smile, nodding slightly in a silent encouragement to continue.

''I mean, with Ryan, it was totally different to when we were together. With him, I just had to kinda lie there while he...y'know.'' Sian feels herself cringing again. Rolls her eyes slightly before continuing. ''But with you, I had to ...touch you back. And I didn't know how to.''

''Sian, you didn't have to do anything. I didn't mean to force you into anything you weren't..''

''No, you didn't!'' Sian cuts Sophie off, seeing a familiar look of hurt in her eyes. She doesn't ever want to see that look again, she decides, and is even more determined than ever to make Sophie understand. ''See, I always say stuff wrong when I'm trying to explain. I just meant that..I didn't know what to do. You made me feel so amazing and...I wanted to make you feel like that, but I didn't know how.''

''You always make me feel like that. You don't even have to do anything to make me feel amazing, Sian. Just be yourself.'' Sophie closes the gap between them fully then, her previous anger completely forgotten as she drapes an arm across Sian's waist, snuggling into her side and letting out a sigh as she feels Sian's fingers tentatively play with her hair.

''When I said it was weird, I didn't mean it in a bad way. I just meant that, I wasn't expecting it to be so...intense. And with your vow and everything, I wasn't expecting it to happen for years.''

''See, I knew I'd rushed ya.'' Sophie looks down at her hands, a look of guilt washing over her face as she tenses up.

''You didn't, Soph!'' Sian reaches down, takes Sophie's hand in her own and feels a rush of relief wash over her when Sophie doesn't pull her hand away. '' Honestly, I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't wanted to. I hate that I've made you feel like that. It's just, eugh, I'm dead rubbish at explaining things.''

''Could you try? For me?'' Sophie looks up, making steady eye contact with Sian before squeezing her hand gently and almost pleading with her through one simple glance.

''It's like, I dunno, it's a lot to deal with. This time last year I thought I was in love with Ryan. Then I fell in love with my best mate, who happens to be a girl.'' She smiles slightly before continuing. '' Then my parents kicked me out and I ended up living at yours. And your parents were so nice letting me stay even though they weren't comfortable with it.''

''They want me to be happy. And they know you make me happier than anyone else ever could. Even if my mum did kick off when she caught us.'' Sian can practically hear Sophie smirking as she says it.

''I did want to, y'know. Be with you. The second time, I mean. It's just, I'd always been the more confident one when it came to, y'know, kissing and stuff. I thought that 'cause I'd done it before, I should be the confident one. I should have known what I was doing. But I didn't have a bloody clue. And you seemed so sure of yourself. I just didn't wanna disappoint you.'' Sian wraps her arm even tighter around Sophie's waist, smiling as she feels Sophie nuzzle into her neck.

''You could never do that, Sian. It was amazing. You were amazing. I wish you'd believe me. I'm only ever sure of myself when I'm around you, yknow? I've always felt like people just see me as Rosie's ugly younger sister. But it's always been different with you. You make me feel like I'm worth something. Like I'm...beautiful.''

''Um...maybe that's 'cause you are beautiful? And I love it when you're confident, Soph. I know I said I wanted you to let your hair down and have fun. And I do, just not if you're only doing it to get back at your parents 'cause of everything that's happened. I wanna look after you, y'know? I thought maybe you were just sleeping with me 'cause you were upset and then in the morning, on top of everything else I was feeling, I was scared that you'd regret it.''

''I slept with you 'cause I want you, Sian. I've always wanted you. And I guess this stuff with my parents just made me realise that just 'cause two people get married, it doesn't mean they're going to be together forever. But with us, it's different. I know we're forever. And when you said that to me, it just made me even more sure.'' Sophie leans up then, placing a gentle kiss to Sian's cheek before snuggling even further into her side. ''I know us sleeping together is gonna take a while to adjust to.''

Sian nods, lightly running her fingers through Sophie's hair.

''That's what I meant when I said about the new pair of shoes. I mean, when we slept together it was perfect, but once we've...Y'know, done it a few more times...'' Sian cringes at how stupid that sounds, looks at Sophie for some reassurance before continuing. ''..and we get more confident with eachother, it'll be even more perfect. I know I kinda pushed you away the next morning, but it wasn't because I regretted it. I know that's how it looked, and I'm sorry Soph. But I'd never regret being with you.''

''I know.'' Sophie sighs. ''I'm sorry I kicked off with you. I just felt insecure, I guess.'' She shrugs slightly.

''No, I'm sorry. I was so busy being insecure myself that I didn't realise it should be me who was reassuring you, not the other way round. I mean, it was your first time and I should have been more supportive. I feel like I've ruined it for you by being so selfish.''

''Yeah, well you haven't. I wouldn't change it for the world, Sian. I'm glad my first time was with you.''

''I wish it had been my first time, too.'' Sian quietly confesses.

''Really?'' Sophie looks up at her with an eyebrow raised sceptically.

''Yes, really.'' Sian grins and playfully nudges Sophie's shoulder. Is relieved when she sees Sophie's face light up and a grin spread across her face. ''See, there's that smile I love so much.'' Sian leans down and kisses Sophie gently on the lips before pulling back and cupping her cheek. ''So...we're okay?''

Sophie pauses cheekily for a second, pretending to think about the answer. ''Hmm, I guess so... Even if you did compare me to a shoe''

''Oi, cheeky! It's not my fault I'm terrible with words.'' Sian ducks her head, embarrassed.

''There's terrible with words, Sian, then there's comparing your girlfriend to a shoe.'' Sophie replies, picking up a pillow and lightly hitting Sian over the head with it.

''You're not gonna let me forget that, are you Soph?'' Sian smiles at her lovingly. She's always loved this playful, adorable side of Sophie's personality.

''Nope, no chance.'' Sophie replies whilst trying to stifle a yawn.

''We should get some sleep, yeah? You'll have to go and sort things out with your mum in the morning.'' Sian practically shudders at the though of dealing with a severely pissed off Sally.

''Yeah, I know.'' Sophie pauses. ''Will you come with me? When I go to see my mum, I mean?''

''Course I will. I'd go anywhere with you, Soph. You know that.''

''Good. 'cause you're stuck with me now. For good.'' Sophie turns around so she's facing away from Sian, settling down beneath the duvet. There's a slight rustling before the light goes out, and she smiles to herself as she feels Sian spooning her from behind, wrapping her arms tightly around Sophie's waist and nuzzling into her neck. ''G'night Sian''

''G'night Soph.'' Sian smiles into her girlfriend's neck in the darkness, pleased that she's finally been able to make Sophie understand just how much she wants her. Because, really, there isn't a single person on the planet who Sian would rather make love to than Sophie Webster.


End file.
